Friendship

Several years ago I noticed this guy hanging around an AA meeting I attended. I never really got to know him well as he was always standoffish. He was handsome, seemed well spoken, and always said hi, but that was as far as it ever went.

Jump forward several years and he took the time to talk with me after a meeting and I asked him if he wnted to go out for dinner. We agreed to meet Saturday next at a meeting and go after to L'Osteria in North Beach. Saturday rolled around and he didn't want anyone to spend monies on him so we went to Lafayette Cafe. At Lafayette we talked and joked and carried on. It must have been apparent to him that I was hugely egotistical at the time, a trait I still have, because at one point he became serious and stated "I don't know what your problem is. They're (meaning the people in AA) are just sick people like you and I are?"

Some time later I came clean about many things and he came clean about having lied about his sobriety. He got a sponsor and worked the Fourth Step and showed me the format he used. I began crying, something I had never done on any Fourth Step before. I jokingly asked him if he would consider sponsoring me and he said "I'd be down for that."

After some time it was apparent that this guy would be a good sponsor, so I asked him. He told me to write out what I expected from a sponsor so I did. He was impressed and agreed to sponsor me.

In the early part of this month he and his roommate began having problems which ended up with him spending several nights in jail. At first I did not know what to believe. Was this guy a monster and I had not seen this? Why was he in jail? What was going on? All this and more crowded in and stayed there until around 0830 when the roommate called and started talking like nothing had happened.  When that happened I recalled the other statements - the mysteriously unbroken coffee maker that was thrown across the room, the four or more versions of a certain night, the stories of being in rehab, and others that did not add up. So I told the roommate I knew what had happened.

"I guess you're mad at me," stated he.

"No actually I'm not, I'm very sad that you have to live this way," I said.

He hung up. I spent all day Tuesday determining I could do nothing and Wednesday was a court holiday so nothing could be done until Thursday.

On Wednesday the jailed gentleman was outside my house. I was still not entirely sure of him, but I kept an open mind. By the time we had walked to my house I knew that I was going to stick my neck out and help this guy. He wanted to go to the 7 AM meeting close by, but I told him he needed a bath. I put him in the bathroom and he rinsed off and ran a tub. He made the meeting.

After several days with another friend he came and started staying here. I offered to list him as my support worker, got him a key card, and a key. He said he'd think about it. Almost two weeks later we were feeling comfortable still and he said he'd like to stay, but... But what if I tried to put him in jail? What if I decided he didn't need to be there? In short he was somewhat fearful of whether he would have a permanent housing situation.

I wrote out that he was my support worker, gave a copy to be filed at the office and gave him a copy. He has moved in and I am very satisfied.

I have a fantastic roommate, fabulous sponsor, and someone I trust living with me now. I still think of this as "my" place, but I catch myself and remember it is now OUR place.

I have not been this happy in years.